Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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