After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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