There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
