you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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