evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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