I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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