never play flip cup with pint glasses
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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