We named our party play list daddy issues
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
