I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
