On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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