is your mom at the bar?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
