He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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