Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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