sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
