Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
