wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
