trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
