I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
