I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
