Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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