I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
