i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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