Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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