he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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