What did we do last night that was yellow?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
