Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
