can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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