it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize