Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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