I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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