She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
