i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
