Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
