I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
