with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
vagina is talking i cant
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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