To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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