are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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