at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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