guys are not supposed to queef...right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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