Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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