i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
