When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
