I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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