One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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