dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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