Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
