It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
