I am spending my child support on dildos
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
