You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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