So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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