If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
