I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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