i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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