she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
