Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
