I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize