You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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