dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
