You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
