listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize