Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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