tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
