I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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