And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
