Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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