Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
