i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
