My sheets look like a crime scene.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
