There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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