Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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