Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
