2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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