My balls are so social today.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
