Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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