Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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