Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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