I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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